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[05 Jun 2008|01:04pm] |
I've been spending a lot of time with Josh lately, and now tomorrow's his last day before he goes back home to Nashville to continue writing music. The boy's gonna be big someday -- world big, I mean, God knows he's already a hit with all of us. Everyone who's caught on to the fact that some nights I don't get in until one, two in the morning (Mom and Morgan, mostly) has demanded to know if there's something romantic going on there. Well. Obviously, if a man and a woman enjoy one another's company to the point that they spend excessive time together, it means something lewd. I know it was Oscar Wilde who once said that men and women are incapable of being friends with one another, but most of my life I've relied on my guy friends far more than my lady friends.
Haha, lady friends.
Anyway. When I first met Josh back in May, he was just some friend of Mark's and Keith's who would come up and help with the youth group in the summers, only this year was different because Morgan needed a temporary replacement while she was studying in Israel these past few months, so his stay was extended through the end of the year to cover until she returned home. Then all the mess happened with the church firing Mark, and without Mark here, Josh really has no reason to come back once he's gone. I never, ever imagined when he first walked into the church office and introduced himself to me that I'd grow to love him the way I do now, but it's happened and there's little I can do about it.
I feel like I should disclaim that. No, it's not romantic. Once upon a time, sure, it was. Every girl aged 16 and up swooned when Josh walked into the room. At first glance one probably wouldn't think of him as very good looking -- he's balding very badly for a man of only 28, but you look closer and yeah, he's a pretty cute guy. Not dashing. Not debonair. Nothing to swoon about. It's when you get to know him that you fall because he is, without a doubt, one of the most considerate, genuine people you could ever run across. He's got wit and a sense of humor, but when he feels bad, he feels legitimately bad and you know it. Case in point: when Kelly accidentally backed her Xterra into his Camry and broke the headlights, she was so upset (for she was in love with him too, obviously) that he, feeling bad for her, gave me money to buy her coffee. What kind of person would typically do that, you know? It's just the way he is. Being the kind of guy that he is, he's also pretty oblivious to the fact that most of the female population of Weddington, NC, is going to weep blood when he packs up for good and leaves on Tuesday morning. When Kelly asked him out for coffee on a separate occasion, he had no idea that it was because she had romantic intentions. Needless to say, he still doesn't know and the coffee date failed to launch into anything more.
He's always said he doesn't believe in the concept of marriage and therefore will not ever go through with it. It's kind of a damper on Kelly's campaign and she's said on several occasions that she's over him because of it, but I tend to censor what I share with her regarding how much time he and I spend together all the same. You can't really blame me, considering the fact that she once told me very seriously that she'd kill me if I ever went on a date with him. I wouldn't at all coin that term for what he and I have been doing the past few weeks: hanging out at his house watching The Office on DVD or shooting pool, impressing both him and sometimes Keith, when he'd come over, with how good I actually am. Still, it's something she'd be suspicious and jealous about, and I absolutely cannot have that. I asked him to lunch today not with romantic intentions, but just as a way to spend a little more time with him before he leaves. He paid for my meal, but I think that's really irrelevant. (My mom would disagree.) Everyone's told me that his consistency with calling and asking if I'd like to call over opposed to any of the other friends he's made here shows that there's interest, but I firmly believe that he'd have made some kind of move if that had been the case. The boy's married to his guitar, and I can't blame him for that, either. He knows how to play her.
What I really want to say here is that I'm gonna miss the fuck out of him. He makes me laugh harder than anyone I know. He always knows how to cheer me up, we always have something to talk about. He's been in restaurant business in the past and has been more than helpful with tips and advice on how to handle this shiny, new part of my life. And it's hard, you know, to have something introduced into your life, ignore it for a little while, and then only become very close to it as it's being taken away. It's hard to see a friend like him go, but with any luck, I'll see him again.
Tomorrow's New Year's Eve, and I'm working all day. I should, however, be off around 8:30 (they asked me to be a hostess for the night shift, which is bizarre considering I've never done it and it's probably the busiest bar holiday of the year), but they promised I'd be cut first, so I'm calling the crew and we're doing something to see Josh off properly. I'm not gonna lie, I wouldn't turn down that kiss at midnight. Wishful thinking? Yeah. But it'd be nice, all the same. So maybe I am a little in love with Josh. I don't know, I've never been in love before. I don't know the symptoms, so to speak. I don't get those butterflies or nervousness or whatever that you always hear about any time I'm around him, but seeing his name pop up on my caller ID makes me giddy. I just hope that a little thing like distance won't stop him from calling me and vice versa. If we really are as close as I think we are, I guess we'll find out.
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